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Last but not least, be patient. Just as it takes time to forgive someone else, it takes time to forgive yourself, too. Actively show yourself compassion and take actions to make amends; don’t punish yourself, because I bet you don’t need more reminders about the weight in your stomach.
5. Set boundaries and be your own best advocate.
Loving yourself means valuing yourself. When you value someone, you respect and advocate for them instead of taking advantage of them. Often, we’re good at valuing other people, but stumble when it comes to ourselves. For example, we could be riled up on behalf of a friend who deserves a pay raise but make excuses to procrastinate negotiating our own salary. Maybe we’d never think to drop a pile of paperwork unannounced at a coworker’s desk and beg them into doing us yet another favor, but when a colleague does this to us, we have a hard time saying, “No.”
What are we telling ourselves? We don’t think we deserve respect. How can you love and treasure someone if you don’t even respect them?
Set boundaries for yourself, even with your closest family and friends. Stick to them kindly but firmly. Practice assertive communication skills often. Practice saying “no” to unreasonable requests in the mirror. Practice asking for what you need in the mirror, too, whether it’s a salary commensurate with your expertise or your partner’s acknowledgment of a past hurt. When it feels tough, pretend you’re standing up for your best friend.
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